A Humble Beginning

Monday, June 2, 2008 // 2:23 AM

So this is it! The new blog, with a brand new name and a brand new address. Well, actually it feels kinda hard to leave my old blog behind and start a new one, but hey! As my title suggests, this is a humble, new beginning for me. If my life were written in a book, then this would be the beginning of a new chapter.

First of all, life has been nothing less but hard. With the most important exam laid in store for me last year, I had little time to socialize, let alone writing a blog. And so began a morph from the once sociable and carefree me into a mugger and distressed me. I gave up everything to achieve that one goal; my friends, families, and even myself. But apparently, this obsession had consumed me more than the way it should be.

I have experienced lots of failures in my life, simple ones, like failing tests, getting terrible grades for assignment, inability to do something.. But none of it has ever let me down.
But for this failure; it's hard. Damn hard. If you know me well enough, you may find that I'm actually a person with a high ego. Thanks to this particular experience, my ego had been crushed and shattered into pieces ever since. I was already insecure to begin with, and with this experience, I started losing my confidence even more.

As if those experience is not hard enough, I then face another rejections, and rejections. "The Secret" tells me to think positively. But really, when you are in my situation, it's gonna need gazillion more energy to think positive during this time, than when you are in a generally happy mood.

I had two choices at that moment; to pity myself and my life, or to continue being positive and looking at the brighter side of life.

I chose the second one.

Despite everything that has happened, I'm still thankful that God still give me a great family and friends to rely on. He doesn't let me fall too hard on this. I still get an acceptance letter from Lasalle, which is really, the one that I want to go to most. I am thankful that, even though I don't get any more scholarships, my family still have enough money to fund my education overseas. I am also thankful that, I finally realize what I want to do most in my life, instead of following prestige and other people's paths. Last but not least, I am thankful that, from this experience, I learn to be more mature and know myself much better than I ever did before.

If I hadn't experienced this failure, I would most probably go to NUS or NTU just for the sake of having the prestige and following what is considered to be the "safe" path to success. But I know that this isn't what I want. I could never be a scientist that dwells in labs all the time, nor could I be a banker who sits behind the desk and sees numbers and figures everyday for the rest of my life. That is just not me. One failure is enough for me to predict what's gonna happen if I persistently chose that path.

From this experience, I learn to be more mature. I learn to accept myself; the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly side. Before this, I realize that I have been living a life imagining who I want myself to be instead of acknowledging who I really am. And so I proudly say that I do like the "Grace" that I am now. So what if I'm no good in science and maths? God has blessed my with other talents which I should thank of everyday. So really, all these are process of growing up and I'm grateful that God has allowed all these to change me.

The more I think about everything that has happened to me, the more I find His ways more apparent in my life. What if... this is what He wants me to do in my life? What if... by entering Lasalle, I could glorify Him more than I would ever do in other local universities? God only knows. But whatever His ways are, I must learn to trust His plan and rest everything unto His hands.

To quote Whitney (America's Next Topmodel cycle 10 winner),

"This isn't where I stop."

Although I've failed many times before, it doesn't matter as long as I keep on trying. This really isn't where I stop. This is just the beginning!

So why do I call my first entry, a humble beginning?
Well, this is the beginning of a new Grace with a brand new attitude towards life. There is no more "Grace the scholar", but more of "Grace, the foreigner who is studying design in Lasalle."

Haha. That's why I call it humble.